


Just because we're A-holes that doesn't mean we're Complete Dicks

by Chibifukurou



Category: Zombieland (2009)
Genre: F/M, Misses Clause Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 11:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2810912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibifukurou/pseuds/Chibifukurou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Wichita had first agreed to stick with Columbus and Tallahassee, she'd though it would be a month or maybe two before they turned out to be dickwads after all. </p><p>She knew how to handle shitty men. She'd dated enough of them before the world ended. Letting them buy her things until they thought she owed them something, and then when they tried to cash in kicking them to the gutter where they belonged. She'd figured this would be the same old story, just with zombies.</p><p>Only it's been three months and while they are a-holes they've never tried to take anything from her that she wasn't willing to give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just because we're A-holes that doesn't mean we're Complete Dicks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Haywire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/gifts).



> Yes I did steal the name from Guardians of the Galaxy. No I'm not sorry. 
> 
> I think the sentiment pretty much encapsulates the relationships that the Zombieland crew has with each other. 
> 
> Happy Yuletide! I hope this stories suites you okay. I really wanted to show Wichita's hangups about relationships, that seemed to really make it hard for her and Columbus to get together during the movie.
> 
> A huge thank you to my beta for putting up with my erratic spelling and abuse of the English language.

The SUV's heater is blasting. Resting her cheek against the SUV's cold window, Wichita watches as the bleak snow-dusted landscape passes by. Little Rock is a warm weight where she's burrowed against her chest. The sound of Columbus and Tallahassee bickering in the front seat is a low drone that lures her deeper into a doze. They're fighting over the most impressive way to kill zombies, again.

Columbus flails just as Tallahassee makes a sharp turn. Their drinks go flying and land in the back seat. Little Rock shoots up with a shriek. "What the hell!"

"I'm sorry, so sorry." Columbus starts digging inside the glove compartment with one hand and trying to fish ice out of the back seat with the other. "I didn't mean to."

Little Rock rolls her eyes and Wichita agrees with the sentiment. Obviously, Columbus hadn't meant to do it. He never did. He was too nice of a guy. That was the problem.  
When she and Little Rock first agreed to stick with the boys, Wichita hadn't expected it to last more than a month or two before they turned out to be dickwads. Then, they could leave them behind without having to feel guilty about the way Columbus and Tallahassee had saved their lives. It's been three months and every day she gets a little more comfortable with them. Little Rock has started acting like Columbus is her big brother and Tallahassee is her crazy uncle with a foul mouth and a terrible sense of humor.

Columbus in particular confuses her. He's doesn't try to cop a feel or get her into bed. He remembers her favorite lipstick color and which things she's allergic to. Is nice even though he doesn't get anything in return. Like now, when he's letting Little Rock tease him relentlessly while he tries to blot the soda out of her pants.

Tallahassee speaks up. "Dave and Busters up ahead. Want to go?"

Little Rock's eyes got huge, and she smiles big and excited for a second before she gets it under control. "I guess it sounds okay."

Tallahassee doesn’t wait to see if Witchita or Columbus is interested. There is a squeal of tires as he takes the exit ramp without slowing down. If Columbus hadn't already spilled his drink, he'd have gotten doused.

The Dave and Busters parking lot is remarkably empty. There are only a few cars around back in the employee parking lot. Still, they all make sure they're armed with guns, knives, and (in Tallahassee's case) a ukulele before they leave the security of the SUV.

The restaurant doors are locked, and there aren’t any obvious signs of zombies inside. The glass is clean of blood and the black gunk that the zombies constantly drooled. If the place has infected inside, then they hadn't been interested in trying to get out. Columbus bends down to pick the lock on his door while the rest of them watch the parking lot for any signs of the infected.

He's gotten pretty good at picking locks in the months since Wichita taught him how. He's got the patience for it. When she'd tried to teach Tallahassee, he'd just used his gun to shoot the lock. Which didn't do any good when you were trying to sneak up on zombies.  
They are inside with a minimum of fuss in only a few minutes. The arcade surrounds them immediately, blocking any clear lines of sight with big hulking games. They pass, shoot-em-up games painted to resemble aliens, terminators, and of course zombies as they make a slow circuit of the room. Wichita expects somebody to slip up and start shooting.

It's Tallahassee that screws up, though surprisingly, it's the Skeeball section that gets him. He startles and spins around to let loose a hail of bullets. A rat-tat-tat shockingly loud after their careful silence and more than loud enough to wake any sleeping undead that are hanging around. Wichita has a chance to see a punch-em clown slowly deflating before a familiar moan grabs her attention. Fuck Tallahassee and the fact that he couldn't seem to stay quiet for more than two seconds at a go. They all spin, guns facing the noise, their backs against the skee-ball machines.

There are five zombies slowly climbing through the games, dripping black drool onto the machines they pass. All of them are wearing the signature Dave and Buster's uniform. Wichita is grateful; she hates when she has to shoot kids. All of the zombies are moving slow, and while Wichita keeps a bead on them, she doesn’t try to stop Tallahassee when he steps forward, ukulele in hand.

The first two zombies go down without a problem. When the third gets too close to Tallahassee's back, Little Rock blows its head off.

"Dang it! I had it under control!" Tallahassee complained while he used the busted instrument to keep the forth zombie's jaws from closing.

"Well then, you should try harder to make sure they don't get the drop on you." Little Rock counters. Wichita doesn't have to look to picture the face she's making. Wichita is very familiar with that bratty little sister tone.

When Tallahassee turns to give Little Rock a betrayed look, she just blows the heads off the remaining two zombies. Immediate threat taken care of, Wichita lets herself look at Little Rock out of the corner of her eye. Just in time to watch her stick her tongue out at Tallahassee.

He laughs until his hat falls off. "Come on girly, lets see if there are any more zombies lurking about, then you and me are going to see who's better at the shooter games."  
Little Rock's smile is wicked. "You're on!"

There are no more zombies lurking in the back, and when they check back outside there don't seem to be any zombies attracted by the noise. Tallahassee pulls the SUV around so that they can climb in the side doors without leaving the building (and the only way a zombie can fit through is if they climb under the vehicle). With the building as secure as they can make it without boarding the windows and building a barricade, they flip the switch to turn on the games.

Little Rock and Tallahassee run from one shooter game to the next. After they finish those they head to the racing games. Anything that they can compete in. Wichita sticks to the old school games, like skee-ball and milk jug toss while Columbus follows her around. He takes particular glee in the game where you get to throw balls and knock down clowns.

They finish off the afternoon in a four way air hockey tournament, and finally break into the prize case. They festoon themselves in glow-in-the dark vampire teeth and costume jewelry. Tallahassee even takes to wearing a set of oversized sunglasses that he can only keep on his face by tilting his head back at a ridiculous angle. Wichita suspects that he's already planning how he can kill a zombie with them.

There are a few zombies hiding under the SUV when they leave. But it is easy enough to shoot them as they try to crawl out and their bodies block more zombies from getting through until everybody can file back into the SUV.

Tallahassee gleefully plows through the zombies that surround the vehicle while Little Rock cheers from where she's perched in the passenger side seat.

Columbus keeps shifting in his seat as they make their way back to the highway. Until finally, fed up, Wichita snaps. "What,did you forget to piss before we left?" She swears if he's having one of his IBS attacks right after they just left somewhere with a decent bathroom...

He blushes all the way from the tips of his ears to where the skin of his neck disappears into his shirt. "Um, here." He shoves his hand at her, revealing a gaudy, fake diamond ring. "I saw this and thought you might like it."

"So what, you think that I should go out with you because you stole me a ring from an arcade game?"

Columbus seems to read enough in her tone to realize that he made a big misstep. His blush fades leaving him bone white. "No, that's not. I just thought you might like it. I'm not trying to say that we're dating or anything.

The sad part is, she can't even stay mad at him. Because he obviously hadn't thought this through. He wasn't trying to get anything from her, just being his usual idiotic self. With a sigh, she grabbed the ring from his hand and shoved it onto a finger.

Then, before she could think better of it, she pressed a quick peck too his cheek. "Thanks, I guess."

"You--re, um,- Welcome." He stutters out.

Done with his stupidity for the day, she sank into her chair to watch the highway pass by. Why couldn't he have been a complete asshole? Then she wouldn't have to consider things like kissing him or maybe, one day, letting him date her.


End file.
